Really - I'll get my act together, eventually

Whoa...it's been a year. A YEAR people! What is wrong with me?! This is something I really need to do on a more regular basis. It's good for me, therapeutic even.

Starting last October, my beautiful daughter started complaining of back pain. Every day it was the same thing, "Mom, my back really hurts!" Okay I would reply, let's get you into the chiropractor.
So I took her in. When that didn't work, I had a good friend of mine (who is a massage therapist) work on her back. No dice. Finally I gave in and took little E to the doctor, who automatically ordered an x-ray. Nothing really showed, except for what they thought might be a mild case of scoliosis.
Que trip to see a Pediatric Orthopedic Surgeon. I NEVER imagined I would hear the next words from this doctor. "We need to get an MRI done". Okay, said me who was foolish and had no clue that it meant that something could be seriously wrong.
2 week for waiting to get an MRI and one trip to the hospital later, we get a phone call early the next morning from the Orthopedic Surgeon. We've found something he said. It doesn't look good he said, possible Histiocytosis or Leukemia. What?!! Full panic mode sets in. Now keep in mind, this is just 2 days before New Years Eve. Things are normally very slow at this time of the year. Dr. S told us that he was "pulling all the strings he could" to get little E back into the hospital for more testing for that night. Back to the hospital we go. 3 hours later and my little miss is done with her MRI's and blood work. We wait to see an oncologist.
Less than a week later, scared to death, my husband and I take little E to see the "cancer" doctor. I can't help but feel everything is surreal as I set in the waiting room. Overwhelmed, we sit silently. No talking. E is playing with toys and watching tv, really oblivious to how her parents are feeling, thankfully. This doctor is dismissive. Oh no, it could not possibly be Histiocytosis or Leukemia. She would be showing more signs, says the doctor that hasn't even looked at her MRI's. I'll call you in a few days after I look at her MRI says cancer doctor. UGH, so irritated my husband and I left feeling like we just wasted half the day with our daughter, and what was even more frustrating was that we had pulled her out of school for this ridiculous appointment.
One day later, we get the phone call from said cancer doctor. "I was right" he acted, no Histiocytosis or Cancer. The collapsed vetebrae is old and the other fractures we have no answer for. Please visit the endocrinologist. So blindly we set up that appointment and saw the Endo. More blood work. No new answers. All so extremely frustrating. When I called back to Dr S., he asked us to get a second opinion as he was also uncomfortable with what the Oncologist said.

So two weeks later, we had the chance to meet with an pretty awesome NEW Oncologist - one that my hubby and I both felt comfortable with. She talked us through everything also agreed with the first Dr saying, she too, felt it was NOT Histiocytosis. Again we waited, but with a lot less fear in our hearts. God was working miracles, I just knew it.

We got our official answer today - NO cancer, NO Histiocytosis! Thank you my heavenly Father. You are really, truly amazing! Though we have no real answers to why everything else is happening, it's such a relief to hear that we don't have to worry about this. My heart is overflowing with love and gratitude to my Lord and Savior.

*****
This last month has really taken a toll on my family though. We are stressed. We are fatigued. My husband and I are not in the best place. It's incredibly tough. I will take any and all prayers. Sometimes, if I am being honest - I am not sure we will make it. I don't want Satan to take a hold of my marriage, so I keep fighting. Fighting for what God has brought together. Fighting for the sacred relationship I am in. There are days I just want to give in. There are days I feel so weak and tired. This has been a very long season in my life. Keep on moving. Keep praying. Don't give up. This is my mantra.

There has been a delay in things. I find it really hard for me to carve out time for myself being a mom of 2 kiddos. I just don't know how other mommies do it! I feel so darn disorganized at times. It is really frustrating for me. 

Today I would like to talk to something that has been on my mind a lot lately : 

Marriage. Can we talk for a minute on how darn HARD it is?! 

I have been married for just under 10 years. It has been a real struggle for the most  part. I want to say I have the perfect marriage. But the truth is, I don't. Nobody does! But, mainstream media tries very hard to portray that a marriage is all rainbows and unicorns. Not so much. 

In the past few years there have been MANY days that I have wanted to 100% give up. Just not fight any more. I am exhausted. Things must change. 

So, in the past few days, I have decided to start The Love Dare Challenge - a Christian Devotional for marriage. I also watched Fireproof, again. 

God is working in my heart. It's still a challenge, but I know that with God, all things are possible. It is not His desire for my marriage to fail. It is God's desire for my marriage to blossom with love. I will follow God. 

That's all for now. 

~ K

So for today, I am making this simple. Just putting a ticker in to track my fitness goal. I have NEVER made a fitness goal before. This is something new for me. But hey, It's a new year,  - new me. I am working at becoming healthy this year. And for the first time in my life, I am actually believing it. Here it goes.

Fitness ticker